Reading and Leeds to ban flags at the festival this year…

Happy campers enjoying Kasabian

 

For the first time in three years I’m not going, as there are only a handful of bands I’d like to see this time round, but all I can say regarding this news, is thank fuck for that. If you take a flag to a festival, you qualify as a cunt. Same goes for the girl who wants attention and mouths the words (about half of them) she knows to the new Kooks song, as the cameramen at the festival desperately zoom in on her whilst sat on the shoulders of the boy that desperately fancies her, but is resigned to being the friend who mops up the tears every time the boy she actually does fancy realises what a twat she is… and waits and quietly weeps every night of the festival whilst listening to heart-wrenching sounds of her having sex with someone she just met in the tent next to his.

The only defence I’ve seen offered for flags is atmosphere and finding your friends/tent. It takes a special breed of twat to go out of your way to obscure peoples views at a gig/festival/whatever. Now I can’t help being quite tall, but that’s not my fault, and realising my height, I steer clear of wearing a top hat. If you need a flag to find your tent after about 10 minutes of setting it up you must be fucking stupid… and the rest is a load of bollocks anyway. Flags are nothing but an irritant, and if you want to stand out in the crowd without doing that much, you are a twat anyway. The flags that attempt to be funny are about as witty as the t-shirts from Primark you see idiots wearing featuring some ‘hilarious’ slogan about how they love drinking and women… e.g. ‘also comes in sober’, often warn by bald middle aged men being dragged round the shops on a depressing Saturday afternoon. Carrying a flag or men wearing dresses or people in stupid wigs or pretty much everything like that designed to make the wearer stand out is fucking stupid. You might get noticed briefly, but it’s not for anything worthwhile is it? Half the crowd might see and think ‘oh look there’s a guy in a dress’, whilst the vaguely sane people will think ‘what a wacky attention seeking twat’ but the real point is, no one wants to be your friend…

Mastodon- the reviews of their new album

pretty shit cover art really

are by all accounts bit stupid… now i haven’t heard it so i’m not sure whether the reviews are accurate.  Being honest i think i’ve only read a couple of full reviews at the most. I saw an advert for the album on MySpace and some of the quotes on there were fucking stupid, so i’m entitled to comment, okay? My problem is not with Mastodon using the quotes to get people to buy their album, its more the fact that they were written in the first place.

NME- ‘thuddingly impressive’

Is ‘thuddingly’ a word? Well yes, but what does it mean? The dictionary tells me it means… ‘verb (used without object)  to strike or fall with a dull sound of heavy impact.’. So in the context of how it has been used what does it mean and what does it tell us about the album? Absolutely bollocks all.

Rocksound- ‘fucking stunning’

oooh get those rebellious tykes over at rocksound! they swear! wooooo. boring.

Metal Hammer- ‘Prepare to be blown away’

How can you prepare to be blown away? Surely its an oxymoron? I would say its deliberate on the part of the writer, but its for Metal Hammer, so it’s definitely not.

I’m aware its quite to harsh to judge a review based on a couple of soundbites, but when they are that stupid, can you blame me? Jesus christ.

Theory of a Deadman- Musical Cancer

‘Where is the love?’

As anyone who has encountered the content on this site before, the phrase ‘wild ill-founded criticisms and a complete lack of self awareness or subtlety’ is not something that can be applied. And as such, the following is completely in line with the fine content you have come to demand every few months from me.

Anyway, Theory of a Deadman. Jesus shitting Christ. Recently when I’ve been eating my lunch and flicking through the music channels- despite the fact that I rarely find something I genuinely like now, more stuff I liked when I was 14 (secretly 18 but its less cool that way) – nothing has been a blight upon my senses and a plague to my ears more so than ‘I Hate My Life’ by the aforementioned cocksuckers. I’m not entirely sure when whining like a little bitch about tiny problems became the ‘rock and roll’ thing to do, but if there’s one man who knows a lot about tiny problems its front-man Tyler Connolly.

UPDATED: People whinging about Hallelujah being covered by X Factor Winner girl can do one

I wish to make it clear that I actually really like this song, both when it is performed by Leonard Cohen and also by Jeff Buckley, but from what I’ve seen, the people making the complaint about this choice of song, are doing it on a basis that is entirely ill founded.

People slagging off John Lydon for doing the Country Life butter advert can do one

To begin with I wish to make it clear that I, in no way, endorse the advert, nor do I think him doing the advert is a good thing at all. It’s just a bit silly to moan about it isn’t it? I mean, for a start, it’s not as though he has suddenly, out of nowhere, revealed himself to be, well, a bit of a prick. *whispers* He’s always been one.

Los Campesinos can do one

LC- not a fan of Pate

I don’t think I have encountered such arrogant fuckwittery in quite some time. Los Campesinos are releasing a new CD in the next month or so, but have insisted that people refer to it, not as an ‘album’ but as a ‘record’. Er… sorry?

Orange sending me texts advertising ‘Orange Mobile Act Unsigned’ can do one.

SMUG

Fuck off, I don’t care about your shitty competition, and how much you’re gonna fuck over the next band that win it (see last series ‘winners’, Envy and Other Sins and the various interviews they have given explaining just how bad it is). So stop texting me about it.

Topshop can do one.

http://www.topshop.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/StaticPageDisplay?storeId=12556&catalogId=19551&identifier=ts1%20punk%20couture

I think having this on in the background as you read might be a good idea, helps set the scene!

I’ve just seen the link above, Topshop’s new ‘punk’ line for the winter. Not that I go around searching for women’s clothing you must understand, I was linked to it in a forum. It’s probably in the top 5 ‘worst things I’ve seen today’ although second to maybe John Paul in Hollyoaks (seriously, what a cock!) but it angers me more than that almost. What a load of bollocks.